


Lonely

by Turtlebaby



Series: MMOM 2014 [15]
Category: White Collar
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 13:16:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1649957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turtlebaby/pseuds/Turtlebaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter's lonely, for various reasons.  SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5 FINALE</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely

Peter's mind wouldn't shut up. He was alone, in his bed, again. A place he'd never really thought he'd spend another lonely night. The place where just a month ago there hadn't hardly been room to move with his wife on one side and his... Neal, on the other.

But now El was in DC - she'd left again that afternoon, like she had for the last four Sundays. With a kiss to his cheek and the promise of 5 days before she'd be back, she kept leaving over and over and Peter didn't know how to admit how much it hurt that she seemed genuinely excited to get back to a life he wasn't  apart of. He hadn't been to her place in DC since the weekend she moved in.

The movers has come before he decided to stay - all the furniture was with her. He'd done his best but had gone with comfortable over stylish and now his living room held a pair of mismatched chairs and a couch that was the exact shade of lamb shit. 

El had returned the second weekend with slipcovers and a frown. It looked a little better now.

She'd cancelled the pick up for the bed and had purchased one brand new for her apartment. Peter wasn't sure how he felt about that - he was sleeping alone in  their  bed and she was sleeping in a bed that he'd never been in. 

This whole thing was a mess.

But it might have been durable, he might not feel completely insane except Neal was gone too. In the wind, he hoped. Not that Peter could blame him, but he'd promised - he  promised  he wouldn't run. But Peter was abandoning him for a job - a job - and when he asked for release, to come with them; Peter convinced himself, and was denied - was sentenced to his remaining time in the hell Peter was currently suffering through, alone - he disappeared like a magic trick.

He was gone before Peter could tell him that he was staying. Before Peter could tell him that he was staying for him, for people like him - because he needed to be hands on not hands tied - because Neal had taught him and changed him and he could never again be the kind of man DC wanted. 

But Neal was gone. Anklet cut in the middle of a park in the middle of the day and he'd vanished. But he'd  promised.  And that hurt worst of all. 

And if he hadn't ran and something had happened, Peter couldn't find any evidence. And he'd looked, for days and a week and then 10 he'd looked and hoped and hated that he hoped, because for Neal to leave them would be bad. For Neal to be taken would be horrifying. Either way, his best friend, his love; was a ghost.

So he was alone and lonely with only his right hand for company and he barked a laugh into the dark because that's not what the loneliness was about. The relationship between the three them had never been about sex. And it wasn't the sex that he missed, not even a little, but it  was because for a man who had had so much, too much maybe, the starvation for human contact in the quietest of hours was nearly unbearable. He didn't miss their hands on his dick - he missed their arms around him.

But it's hard to imagine someone holding you when they're gone but it was so easy to imagine his hand on his cock and his wife pressing soft behind him and he didn't feel alone. And he slept when it was done, when  he was done; he slept because it was like a pull and a lull and when he had one edge in sleep and one still soft and post-orgasmic he managed to cling to his fantasy of people and love and the way it was and  the way it should be. 

And it was nice, falling asleep and not feeling alone. Even if it was all just in his head.  
  
END 

 


End file.
